Fishing for Hollywood

Stranger things happen of course, afterall we inhabit a planet filled with miracles and disaster, so it wouldn't surprise me to learn that some sharp suited movie Joe with a fondness for the marching powder buzzed by this old blog of mine from time to time. Hell if nothing else, the hunger of their egos would make this a nailed on certainty. More nailed than a whale God with rare jewels for eyeballs, and bones crafted the calcified souls of super architects but let us get back to earth. Im straying too far from this post.
Can I just say, nay plead with the remains of a quickly greying youth to not be tricked into believing that a reboot/remake of American Ninja, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, They Live and Commando would be good idea. They won't, and you can take that to your overstuffed Century City banks (which if not careful will be remembered for the dosh they made rather than its art). Which would be a shame because while financial reward is itself very nice nothing will dim the glow of producing great work, be it movies, books or music.
Remakes might sound like goof idea, we all remember the glory glory years of the 1980s where it seemed most films were touched by gold but while we know a remake of something like Jaws would be awesome if we were able to capture that creative spark of 1975, we know (with a good del of sadness) that we never will. The most world's most famous shark is born, and attempting a reboot of such an iconic movie would be like mining for gold in a sugar field. Impossible.
Come on, we've seen enough remakes by now to realise that making them is disaster waiting to happen. Move on Hollywood, studios will be making remakes of remakes next (something that would surprise me not in the slightest). Mark my words: movie remakes only serve to dilute the magic of the original.

Here are some personal favourites of mine that ought be left well alone:

American Ninja
They Live
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Cobra
Point Break
Commando

Mess with these 80s cult classics at thy peril! In fact, better yet, don't mess with them at all. Ever. Lest the ghost of the late Steve James (American Ninja's Cpl. Curtis Jackson) come back and karate some directors skulls.

Expendables 3

Boom! This the most appropriate word I can use to sum up the new Expendables 3 movie. Like the previous two, this is a rip roaring romp which is all gun and chiselled heroes. What else can you expect when one of Hollywood's icons, Sylvester Stallone decides to make movies that capture all of the testosterone fuelled magic of 1980s action films? Its like an adrenaline shot to the bollocks.

Brat's Top 2013 Movies

Number 1: Yeah!

We had a lot of decent movies in dear old (or 'rotten old' depending on your year) 2013 and guess what? Yup that's right boyo, Brat News saw them all. We don't take entertainment lightly here you know. And things like this demand a list! So here is (in my humble opinion of course) the best of the Hollywood bunch, including those where I expected aceness but instead were lamest.


1. Dallas Buyers Club (A modern masterpiece)

2. Prisoners (Ace film, Ace)

3. Captain Phillips (Brilliant, tense cinema)

4. Killing Season/Machete Kills (Being cheeky with joint positions but hey, my list)

5. Rush (F1 Ace)



Close but no cigar ~

The Butler (Ooh suits you sir!)

Life of Pi (Surprise hit for this Brat)

2 Guns (Bang bang hot to trot)

Pain & Gain (What can I say? I love Wahlberg)

Would You Rather (Oh yes! Some fine horrortastic dares)


And here belongs the "I Iz Disappoint" movies ~

The Wolverine (Aww Hugh, you were doing so well with Prisoners)

The Sweeney (Utter shyte, Thaw spinning in grave)

Iron Man 3 (Needing WD40 methinks)

World War Z (Arm Pitt ruins an epic comic yarn)

Robocop 2013

New Robocop trailer released. It actually looks as violent as the recent Dredd was, and I loved that movie. Of course time will tell if it really is any good but Keaton, Jackson and Oldman are all capable actors and shock, horror, unlike most of todays new breed of HollyBrats, I like all three. Check out the trailer below.

Id Buy That For A Dollar!!

Expendables 3: Good News

Lurch is gone

Expendables 3 just got better now that its been revealed that Nic 'Crappy' Cage is OUT of the movie. Thank f**k for that, im not a huge fan of these movies, in my opinion they could have been so much better, but having lantern headed Cage in it would have killed it stone dead before it hit the track for me. Suffice to say, I am most definitely NOT a fan of Cage. "Leaving Las Vegas" was okay but I enjoyed that because of the subject it dealt with (alcoholism) rather than crumple chops' performance in the film. And Elizabeth Shue's spectacular ass of course.
Everything else this lump has ever done (and I must admit, ive not seen much of his work as he makes my skin crawl) is very meh. Average at best. And I can never forgive him for ruining Ghost Rider, one of my favourite comic book characters of all time. Con Air had a wonderful idea behind it until Cage appeared looking like the love child of Worzel Gummidge and Lurch from The Addams Family. Hearthrob he is NOT, good actor even less. Also these Expendables movies are all about 80s action legends for me (with some exceptions like Jason Statham) and the Gummidge/Lurch hybrid is not welcome. So when I read the news earlier that Expendables 3 would be knickerless (Nic-er-less geddit?) I was one happy motherf**ker.