Reel Biz '13

Nice 'tache Leo

Until recently my love for cinema, the silver screen, had almost disappeared (forever I thought.) But thanks to the internet and its 'gubbins', my love has returned (mind you 'love' is a bit strong but hey ho as The Ramones would say.) Here are a few movies that have been blowing my sails (Ooer!) these last few days/weeks, and if you fancy some bloody good action (literally bloody with most) then grab yourself some sofa and beer and 'mow the reel' by pressing PLAY.

Dredd

An orgy of bullets and big guns. Director Pete Travis has gone for a more 'real' vision of Mega-City One and it almost looks like any US city, it certainly isn't the sprawling Mega-City that we're used to with the comics and Stallone film with 50ft high neon ads and busy traffic jams packed with flying cars. Dredd reminds me of Robocop. It has the same futuristic-but-not-quite buzz about it.

Django Unchained

Now while its a great film, its overly flabby and too long. 2 hours 40mins? F**k that sh!t Tarantino, you need to know when to clam that movie mouth. If he cut it to 2 hours and trimmed the fat off it would be my favourite Tarantino movie but as it stands I get fidgety after 120 minutes. Shame too because the characters are wonderful, as are some of the set pieces. And how much has Leonardo DiCaprio matured as an actor? He's come on in leaps and bounds from when he looked like a teenage lesbian in Titanic.


Gangster Squad

Whatever you might think of Sean Penn (and lets face it, the fella comes out with some daft things at times) put it aside and THIS MOVIE! Believe you me, you will not regret it, its f**king brilliant.

Whining Over the People's Nuts

Quit being an ass

So some woman has turned up on a radio station whining (as these types do) about 'lads mags' like FHM and Nuts, saying they ought to be taken off the shelves ASAP because it might offend some of the shops customers, and even be offensive to those working behind the till. Oh Get Real Woman! This is you infringing the retailer rights to sell these magazines just because YOU happen not to like it. Well tough, there are lots of things I dislike but I do not wish to have them banned. Oh and its not a matter of indecency or inequality either, its just YOU.
Stop trying to wave your flag for all people because the fact is, some folks want to buy Nuts and FHM (and no im not one of them even though I have my 'Hot Brats' over there on the right) and you cant stop them. You might not like whats inside but quite frankly thats your problem. I don't like garbage like Hello! and OK! but im not preaching like a soggy peach to some radio station. Honestly, people should be more offended by YOU rather than lads magazines.
Also, there is a little thing called the internet, you might want to look it up one day. Believe you me, there are things online that makes Nuts look like a prayer book. So my pretty lemon heart, no need to fret over gentlemen's glossy magazines offending your cotton socks, the heartless beast that is the highway of WWW has almost killed them off anyway so they probably won't be around much longer. I suppose when this happens, you will find something else to bleat about.

Sympathy For The Devil

Tamping mun!

After reading a few myths and legend stories recently, I have come around to wondering whether or not we may have got it wrong about the devil. Don't believe me? Check out the story behind the Devil's Bridge in Ceredigion for example. Local legend has it that 'ol Forked Tail built the bridge since the task was too difficult for mere mortals. So a deal was struck for the devil to knock up a bridge on the proviso that he would receive the soul of the first person who crossed it. Poor chap. (My local Chamber of Trade would never have allowed THAT deal *smiles*)
But alas the devil never did get his soul because he was tricked by an old lady. Seems she threw some crusty bread onto the newly built bridge, which caused her dog to go after it (who doesn't like crusty bread?) thus making it the first life to cross the 'Devil's Bridge'. What happened then is unknown but I should imagine the fallen angel looked a tad cross and muttering, "curses! Foiled again!" To himself as he walked away soulless.
And there are a lot of other similar tales of Satan, the supposed 'great deceiver' being hoodwinked by some wily mortal (usually an old crone or beggar.)

In Care of a Mortal Thread

Hedd, Perfaith Hedd

Such dreadful news this week when we heard of the mini bus crash on the M62 near Pontefract which killed one girl and seriously injured a dozen others (indeed the bride to be may never walk again.) On their merry way to celebrate a hen party, about as far from the thoughts of death as you could ever hope to be, and in an instant their world is cruelly shattered forever. A sobering jerk back into dreadful reality.
What a foul blow! How mercilessly each and every one of us are shadowed by death; a fragile thread which anchors us to life but at any second could end with less force than a sparrows heartbeat. One breeze less than the flicker of a flame. Such gentle turbulence that carries mortals onward through collared mists, on roads, on seas and valleys of wild woods.
This should serve as a reminder that however bad life may seem,

RIP Bethany Jones, may the softest lullabies sing you to your rest.

Cannibal Francis?

As you can see dear reader, I just burnt my knuckles on the grill but do you want to know something peculiar? The smell reminded me of pistachio nuts and chicken flavour crisps. Its true I say! Im holding my poor, hapless fist up to my snout right now as I type and the smell almost makes me hungry. Gulp! Hope im not turning into a cannibal? Or even worse I could have died and returned zombie?

The Fragile Mighty

Souls in the rain

What a dreadful week! Mr Jakes is happy as frothy ale to see its tail~end. First we had the sickening news of the Boston Marathon bombing, then we had the depressing funeral of Baroness Thatcher, and as a triple whammy (you know just make us feel extra secure in our mortality) we learned of a devastating explosion at a fertiliser plant in West Texas that killed 14 (at last count) and injured many, many more. Oh and breaking news as I type is that we are hearing of an earthquake in China where 124 have been killed and over 600 injured in the Sichuan province.
Dear me, how fragile are we? Mankind; all conquering with an unrivalled history of both destruction and creativity, (no beast could ever match our thirst for knowledge) and yet 'clothed' in mortal flesh that makes us as vulnerable as a cobweb in a meat grinder. Be grateful we possess a spirit that can seemingly withstand all the horrors the planet throws at us, or we would be crushed like mice under the mighty wing of an eagle. Of course life often reminds us just how puny we truly are, however much build and strengthen our kingdoms. We can never overcome unseen forces at work, as to Mother Nature we are but delicate babes in very mortal arms.

Each step a gift, each step into an unknown future which could meet End at any second.

Hitting the Realism Wall