When Dog Chews the Tale

As a gamer now for over three decades...hold on, let me say that again, gamer for over three decades gulp! *reaches for the Botox* It is fair to say that I have played more than my fair share of videogames. Ever since rescuing Xenon princess Roz in Zorgon's Revenge on the Oric 1 inbetween my half hearted attempts at homework, I was addicted (and despite what Daily Mail scribes would have you believe, videogames have never done me any harm).
During that time, I must have spent a gazillion hours shooting zombies, raiding toms and solving bizarre puzzles (cheers Silent Hill). And so its natural that from spending so much time with your pixelated hero/villain, a bond is forged. A bond which makes turning a successful game into an equally successful movie very difficult, and rarely is a director enough of an alchemist to pull it off. Indeed from all the game to film releases, it is only the Resident Evil movies that have held my interest (and even this is because I find them entertaining in their own right and not because they are equal to the cool of the videogames).
So when I heard about The Last of Us movie that is evidently in the works, my little 'ol heart, that heart which has shared many a nervous jump with Joel and Ellie, was not exactly thrilled. And who can blame me? I still shudder when anyone mentions Street Fighter and Kylie Minogue in the same sentence. And less said of Uwe Boll the better.
All the best men know. Even the genius that is Hideo Kojima, who is a major movie fan, will admit deep down to being a tad wary of turning his beloved Metal Gear Solid into a motion picture because he knows like the rest of us know, 9/10 films of games are garbage. Just drop the aforementioned Mr Boll's name into a conversation with Kojima san, you'll get the picture (or not if you happen to be Uwe Boll). Why do you think a MGS movie has not been made yet? Despite being offered multi million deals? Hideo understands man.
Like I said, we gamers forge a special bond with characters over many hours of play, and seeing those "magic moments" reduced to a 2 hour romp ruins it. Take games like Skyrim and Fallout 3 for example. How many hours do we spend in the company of our newly created badass? It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say 200+ hours. You go through many different challenges together, notching up a heroes portion of triumph (and deaths), and all personal to you the gamer. Were someone to come along and turn Skyrim into a fantasy film it would fail, and fail hard because none of your private victories would feature. All those little things you see/hear/feel as you clutch your controller and add up to make a unique overall experience is gone, replaced with a directors vision which so often feels like huge disappointment. No more hero than a bit part player relegated to the side lines, and to be blunt, it f**king SUCKS! Its almost like the movie is invading "our" space. (Similar to books but games go even deeper as they put YOU in the action).
So forgive my failure to get all hard and excited (ooer!) over another game-to-film cash grab, but history shows we videgame fans are always better off sticking with the game. We have too much time invested to see it be reduced a film extra.

Godzilla

Really looking forward to this new Godzilla movie, KING OF MONSTERS! Just take a gander at the evidence below.

Versus King Ghidora




But let us not forget this little chap from the cartoon.

Brat's Top 2013 Movies

Number 1: Yeah!

We had a lot of decent movies in dear old (or 'rotten old' depending on your year) 2013 and guess what? Yup that's right boyo, Brat News saw them all. We don't take entertainment lightly here you know. And things like this demand a list! So here is (in my humble opinion of course) the best of the Hollywood bunch, including those where I expected aceness but instead were lamest.


1. Dallas Buyers Club (A modern masterpiece)

2. Prisoners (Ace film, Ace)

3. Captain Phillips (Brilliant, tense cinema)

4. Killing Season/Machete Kills (Being cheeky with joint positions but hey, my list)

5. Rush (F1 Ace)



Close but no cigar ~

The Butler (Ooh suits you sir!)

Life of Pi (Surprise hit for this Brat)

2 Guns (Bang bang hot to trot)

Pain & Gain (What can I say? I love Wahlberg)

Would You Rather (Oh yes! Some fine horrortastic dares)


And here belongs the "I Iz Disappoint" movies ~

The Wolverine (Aww Hugh, you were doing so well with Prisoners)

The Sweeney (Utter shyte, Thaw spinning in grave)

Iron Man 3 (Needing WD40 methinks)

World War Z (Arm Pitt ruins an epic comic yarn)

Lego: Last Of Us

If this was from an actual game? Totally buy it I would. Sadly its not, BOO! But hats off to the creator of this awesome tribute video, its one of the best things ive seen all week. The Last Of Us Lego! Ace.

Earl Brat of Jams

The Next Gen Consoles

Xbox One (or XBone as its 'affectionately' become known to gamers) was released just 15 minutes ago. Playstation 4 out next week. But most gamers I know on forums are waiting until next year until they get one because there are still great games out for PS3. Oh and there are not many new titles worth the splurge, especially at £50 a pop :o Killzone is the only one I would be interested in. Watch Dogs too but thats been delayed.
Ive still got loads to finish myself: Sly Raccoon 4, Heavy Rain, Killzone 3, Hitman Absolution, Arkham Origins, Borderlands 2, Bioshock Infinite, Far Cry 3 etc, not to mention the awesome The Wolf Among Us series, so even though I will be getting a PS4 (I was offered a special exclusive deal) I can't see me playing much on it for its first few months of life.
The graphics jump this time around are not going to be as spectacular either. Gone are the days of SNES to Playstation 1 improvement, or even the PS2 to PS3 which still feels like yesterday (was only 2007 remember). Going from PS2 (still a [b]great[/b] console) to PS3 was very impressive; jaws were indeed dropped when Motorstorm first hit our screens after MGS3 or Hitman: Blood Money on PS2 (again still fantastic titles) but the PS4 and XBone don't look to be much different to what we have now. Oh the number crunchers will notice for sure but yer average player will not.

Arias Welsh Alt. (18)

POLICE LINE: DO NOT CROSS



WARNING: FRUITY F BOMBS THROUGHOUT!

Hymns and Arias is Welsh folk singer Max Boyces best known songs, sung at rugby matches up and down Wales. I thought I would 'spice' it up a little with some colourful F bombs. Just for a giggle, and see how my accent carried it off.