The Wolf Among Us

Bufkin on the lash

Wishing to live "happily ever after", the Fables, well known characters from folklore, are all living in the Bronx in a hidden community called Fabletown. Humans cannot see them because using magic spells called Glamour, they are able to live below the radar, and stay out of the clutches of the prison-like Farm. A good thing for both them and us. Im not sure how happy the average New Yorker would be living knowingly alongside the Big Bad Wolf, Snow White and Beowulf's Grendel. Now before you start thinking I had LSD for breakfast, this is the world of The Wolf Among Us, a game recently released by Telltale Games for Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. And jolly great fun it is too!
If you ever played their previous offering, The Walking Dead, you will know the tune. Its a point-and-click affair, released in bite sized episodes and bathed in very stylish cel-shaded visuals. You'd better believe it, The Wolf Among Us, looks bloody gorgeous. And it plays pretty well too. So both thumbs UP then.
Unlike zombie mayhem however, this is a fairy tale murder mystery based on the Fables comic books written by Bill Willingham but because the characters are from stories like Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Pigs, it all feels instantly familiar even if you've never picked up Fables. You take on the role of ciggie loving, perma-stubbled Bigby Wolf, aka 'The Big Bad Wolf'. He's now sheriff of Fabletown, ordered by Snow White to keep the peace among the mythical creatures of this curious little world. That will be the 'Wolf Among Us' then. It reminds me of L.A. Noire, only the concept of this game is infinitely cooler. QTE's (Quick Time Events) pop up throughout fights in The Wolf Among Us but the jewel of the gameplay is being a detective and using the multiple choices on offer when questioning the colourful cast. Stay sharp wolfie, because the outcome of your Q+A can leave suspects having it away on their toes, or worse dead.
The Fables remember too. For instance if you act an azzhole to landlord Mr Toad (formerly of Wind In The Willows) his help will become limited. You may well have been the infamous Big Bad Wolf in a previous life but do you really want to behave like a dick now that you are supposedly reformed? Exactly. Mind you, there can be no denying there is something very satisfying about coming over all Dirty Harry at times. Its part of the fun.
The only grumble I have, and to be fair, its a minor one and not really worth fretting over, are the QTEs in fisticuffs. It feels too scripted and I would have preferred a more 'free' fighting method. Perhaps wading in like Grand Theft Auto? Quick Time Events can feel overly fussy, especially during insanely fast parts. And I like QTE as a rule. Its not awful, in fact you feel heroically smug after pulling off a flawless button mashing, its just that...well I fancied giving my old nemesis the Woodsman an old fashioned pasting like we were in a scene from Tekken. But as I say, this is just small fries compared to the big, meaty juice-fest burger that is the rest of The Wolf Among Us.
Of course the doubters will say that this title doesn't have the emotional impact of The Waking Dead with Clemy and Lee but I beg to differ (as always). There is a fairy tale serial killer on the loose for fudges sake! Someone lurking in the shadows and bumping off much loved childhood characters. Now come on, tell me if that doesn't tug on yer heartstrings just a wee bit? What kind of abominable evil would seek to kill Colin (Three Little Pigs) or Bufkin (winged monkey from Oz tales, now working as Fabletown's librarian)?
Of course reviewing a game after only one episode feels awkward because there is still much to do and see, and there is always the nagging doubt that things could go boobs up a few episodes in (which would be a major disappointment after such a stellar start). But I will live dangerously and predict that The Wolf Among Us will continue to drop jaws. The characters are brilliant, the game world fascinating, and its all woven into a wonderfully crafted story filled with potential. It would take a maggot of epic proportions to spoil this apple. Plus as a final deal breaker, each episode costs a mere £3.99. Four quid for roughly two glorious hours in an exciting new world! I am hooked as is my line and sinker. Pass the drinks Bufkin.

Brat score 5/5

GaGa Off (And the Death of Artists)

Much the same as GaGa is to fine eating

Whilst perusing the news online and digging through a prawn salad, I stumbled across this gem: Lady Gaga, one of the greatest pop stars of our age. What the jolly knockers? Or in iterwebs terms, WTF? Are you serious? Granted these silly words were written by some star struck little filly on Yahoo Gossip but surely its time for her medication? I hate pop music and all of the shiteness that goes with it, but Lady GaGa is NOT among its greatest. Not even close. I don't care how many followers she has on Twitter, or idiotic outfits she wears.
Whenever I think of great pop/rock artists I think of Bowie, Elvis, Hendrix, The Stones, Don Maclean, Pink Floyd, The Who, Springsteen, Led Zep, Paul Simon, Elton John, Bob Dylan. And even though I didn't like them personally, The Beatles and Queen. Are you SERIOUSLY going to try and put Lady f**king GaGa in amongst that lot? An internet term again, ROFL!! Get outta town! Don't be such a plank dear. GaGa isn't worthy of licking the dust off any of these truly greats' heels. She is nothing more than an attention seeking clothes horse trying to be as outrageous as possible every time she slides from a limousine. Like the fat kid in school, vying for applause. She isn't even good looking! I cannot comment on her voice as ive never heard her sing (I only listen to heavy metal radio and thankfully she's never played on that) but if her songs/singing can be judged on her clothes (which quite frankly are not that outrageous. Meat bikini? Yawn, a child dream that one up?) then it must be dreadful.
But this is how it will be from now on I am sad to inform you. The world has had its genuine greats now you see, there will be no more. The likes of The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, and even (for metalheads reading) Lemmy, will never be seen again. From now into eternity, the world will have to suffer the untalented likes of Lady GaGa, Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus. Those Godlike (mostly) British acts that kicked off in the 1960s will, like the Dodo, never walk this green and pleasant land again. But that unfortunately will not stop the youngsters trying to create the next big thing. Forget it kids, Jesus and Elvis both left the building.

Stay Alight (Wyse Games Ltd)

Its not often puzzle games on Smartphones and Tablets reel me in. Angry Birds had me playing for a short time but ive never even looked at the likes of Candy Crush Saga, or those word games people keep clogging up Facebook feeds with. Im a RetroHead afterall; give me the brilliant Arcade Box on my Nexus which allows gamers to play 1980s classics like Double Dragon, and I am happy as a schoolboy who just discovered his Dad's porn stash (come on, own up).
But a few days ago, I stumbled across the delightful Stay Alight by Wyse Games Ltd, and like the main character in the game, a light went on in my head. I was instantly impressed by the gorgeous graphics streaming out from my Tablet and the one-more-go feel of the game itself. So simple, so challenging! Its as perfect as perfection gets with these type of game. Ive seen Facebook friends get frustrated over other puzzlers on their Walls, but Stay Alight, while it certainly has annoying moments, never makes you want to drop kick your device into the Plasma tv. And believe you me, its an achievement to get me not to Hulk Smash.
So what gives? In one word: Stink. Germs and pollution have descended the world and our only hope is a little chap with a lightbulb for a head (who looks pretty neat). It works pretty much like Angry Birds: aim the arrow at an angle towards the germs and hurl balls of light at your grubby foes. As you progress, you will get different types of light balls that all have unique powers such as explosions or the ability to fragment. You also get a bulb headed chum to toss the balls to, when the angles get too awkward for you. It all works pretty well and the brilliant designs of each level will keep pushing you forward. Giant dolls heads appear, cassette tapes and stiletto heels, all adding a surreal feel to the game. It really does look the biz.
The first world (includes a whopping 60 levels) is free and you can purchase other worlds for a very reasonable 59p each. That to me is fantastic value for your dosh, especially when you consider how much thought and hard word Wyse Games put into this beautiful title. All in all, if you are a fan of puzzle games on Smartphones/Tablets, you'd be a fool to miss out on Stay Alight. A game that is easy on the eye, but harder on the brain.

Brat Score: 5/5

Junk Funk Food....Yeah.

Sometimes its all about the cheap treats (as opposed the cheap seats). Seriously, sometimes one just HAS TO forget about the Foie Gras and laverbread (Welsh caviar to Sir Dickie Burton)and dig in to some 'ordinary' grub. Don't tell me you don't hanker for it! MacDonalds, KFC, Burger King, the list of slop for the masses is never ending and if we are intent on going down THAT road, where salt and processed cheese are King (lazy hands be raised) then f**k it, lets get the best of the crap. Afterall if we are going to tie a napkin on shyte, we might at least enjoy it. Hot dogs. Crisps. Biscuits (im starting to feel sick). Value beefburgers. Battered sloth eyeballs. Mayonaise. Boiled sweets. Lets add to the poison and try and find the ultimate Snack 'O Terror. If we 're gonna clog those arteries, at least make it taste good eh?
And I have them baby! Cheesy turkey (turkey? Ya right) burgers! The Elizabeth Duke of fine dining. And ya wanna know sumfink? These buggers taste good for what they are. Seriously. Who knew you could brew salt and fox meat...sorry TURKEY *cough* and make a passable food? But they did! Ive just finished eaten TWO of these beauties and already feel my arteries clogging. Winning!

L'enfant Terrible

Appily....Marley's Ghost

I am slowly but oh so definitely getting bored with online apps and rubbish. All these passwords and connecting issues are grinding me down and like a fleet of foot vole, escaping the clutches of a hungry owl, I know feel what that owl feels. Now im not suddenly going to pack up my blogs and disappear offline, ive made too many friends to be able to do that, and besides, this is a convenient way of publishing my thoughts and ideas quickly. (And anyway. blogging isn't the issue here.) But the love IS draining out of me, I can feel it in my slowly-starting-to-drag fingertips. My eyeballs are strained by a glowing box, delivering vast slabs of information into my brain, and im thinking: is all this natural?
When I got to grips with my first Smartphone, and downloaded the slew of Applications (Apps), it was exciting like a whole new world opening up in front of me. I could find out ANYTHING I needed to know with a few simple dabs on the touchscreen, and it was extremely liberating but that sense of freedom quickly turned prison-like, a claustrophobic pit overloaded by too much news and information. Suddenly, from feeling like an omnipresent God able to summon whatever I needed at the touch of a button, I went to feeling like Satan himself, frozen in Dante's 9th Circle of Hell.
Now many readers will accuse me of exaggerating but its how I feel while sitting 'amongst' piles of smartphone applications. And half of them don't do not work which only serves to add to the anguish. The ratio has been tipped the other way, I know feel 20% happy and 80% frustrated by all these intrusive apps and technological gubbins; human being were not meant, I feel, to have all of this wizardy with so much ease. Nothing could be further from nature, and our souls are being corrupted (of this I have no doubt.)
And passwords! Oh the endless passwords! Nonsensical words made up from favourite sport team names and family birthdays. Every single thing needs a password, different to the last. Too short, too long, already taken, doesn't match up. The hellish passwords weighing us all down like the curse of Jacob Marley's ghost I am bored my dear friends and readers, it does not feel 'right' anymore.

Dodgy Kebabs

There can't be many British men (and women to a lesser degree) who, after 12 pints, a few shots of alcoholic sugar and bag of pork scratchings on a Saturday night, have not uttered the immortal words: "a fuggit, ahm fuggen starving, letsh go for a kebab!" Its a British weekend tradition; swaying on the counter of a local kebab shop with another dozen sweaty drunks, waiting for a Styrofoam tray of meat, lettuce, tomato, salmonella, onions and garlic sauce, before making your way home doing a fine impression of a pig in a trough. Pork? Lamb? Fox? Chicken? Who cares? Ahm Fuggen Starvo! So get it down ya neck mun.
We should care though because a worrying research has discovered that 1 in 20 kebabs carries a food poisoning risk from bugs such as salmonella, E.coli, staphylococcus aureus and Bacillus spp. Most kebab places were clean but 5% carried a health risk.