Appily....Marley's Ghost

I am slowly but oh so definitely getting bored with online apps and rubbish. All these passwords and connecting issues are grinding me down and like a fleet of foot vole, escaping the clutches of a hungry owl, I know feel what that owl feels. Now im not suddenly going to pack up my blogs and disappear offline, ive made too many friends to be able to do that, and besides, this is a convenient way of publishing my thoughts and ideas quickly. (And anyway. blogging isn't the issue here.) But the love IS draining out of me, I can feel it in my slowly-starting-to-drag fingertips. My eyeballs are strained by a glowing box, delivering vast slabs of information into my brain, and im thinking: is all this natural?
When I got to grips with my first Smartphone, and downloaded the slew of Applications (Apps), it was exciting like a whole new world opening up in front of me. I could find out ANYTHING I needed to know with a few simple dabs on the touchscreen, and it was extremely liberating but that sense of freedom quickly turned prison-like, a claustrophobic pit overloaded by too much news and information. Suddenly, from feeling like an omnipresent God able to summon whatever I needed at the touch of a button, I went to feeling like Satan himself, frozen in Dante's 9th Circle of Hell.
Now many readers will accuse me of exaggerating but its how I feel while sitting 'amongst' piles of smartphone applications. And half of them don't do not work which only serves to add to the anguish. The ratio has been tipped the other way, I know feel 20% happy and 80% frustrated by all these intrusive apps and technological gubbins; human being were not meant, I feel, to have all of this wizardy with so much ease. Nothing could be further from nature, and our souls are being corrupted (of this I have no doubt.)
And passwords! Oh the endless passwords! Nonsensical words made up from favourite sport team names and family birthdays. Every single thing needs a password, different to the last. Too short, too long, already taken, doesn't match up. The hellish passwords weighing us all down like the curse of Jacob Marley's ghost I am bored my dear friends and readers, it does not feel 'right' anymore.

Gurk: the 8~bit RPG

Gurk may sound like something you'd do after a few beers and a packet of pork scratchings but it actually has more to do with fighting goblin kings and orcs than boozing and swine themed snacks. Gurk is a 8-bit RPG developed by Larva Labs Ltd. and a spiffing game it is too! Just don't go expecting a role playing game with Bethesda sized realms because Skyrim it ain't (the clue is in the games full title.) Ive read quite a few grumbling reviews on Android Store by the Call Of Duty Kids who obviously hadn't a clue to what a 8-bit game was.
However if you happen to be a RetroHead™ like my good self, you just might find your (pixelated) heart skipping merry beats should you choose to get it for your smartphone or tablet. (Although being honest I would always go for the Gurk experience on my Nexus because I think a phone has too little a screen.) Its FREE too so you have nothing to lose.
So whats the lowdown? Lead a 3 man 'army' consisting of Sir Rugnar (knight) Feraldan (ranger/archer) and Gorlok (wizard) through 24 dungeon/forestry levels, scrapping with all kinds of beasties (23 unique types) as you go. And while Gurk might not be Oblivion in size, your party of medieval heroes do get to use 44 different items during their epic 8-bit quest. Not too shabby for what is essentially an RPG in your pocket.
The main objective in the game is to find the dragon Braka and do what every brave knight must do; turn it into a giant leather handbag. Braka is lurking in one of the dungeons but expect plenty of encounters with goblins, skeletons and orcs before you meet it. Good thing too because as is the way with RPGs, your party of fearless adventurers will need to level up their individual stats before taking on the evil dragon. After each fight, the nasties will drop gold and goodies which you can then use to buy weapons and other items in the shops that are dotted around the land. (I found giving Gorlok a Lifetouch spell particularly useful to replenish your crews health during/after a clash.)
The only (albeit minor) gripe I have is the lack of sound and when I say lack, I mean totally devoid. This my friends be a MUTE. You won't even hear the satisfying clash of sword against orc bone which does break the immersion a tad. But I can't really moan whe it does everything so well and when all is said and done, Gurk is a very charming RPG and if you fancy a little dungeon looting while waiting for the train, its perfect so bin that copy of The Sun you bought in the train shop and get downloading.


HOW TO BATTLE GURKA~STYLE

This goes for both games so I will explain here, sandwiched between the two. There are no gunfights or Tekken type brawls in Gurk. Battles are turn-based, a bit like a murderous Connect 4. Your guys have a move each, then the bad guys do, repeat until a victor emerges. And this in its nature makes every scrap a risk. You really do need to think; do you allow your bowman to pick enemies off from afar? Or get your knight stuck in like Hulk on cheap gin?
The first few encounters have you feeling vulnerable and weak but once you begin to level-up, gameplay changes and you start to feel more like Kratos than a noobish boy scout. You just won't fight like him (Gurk is more chess than God of War.)
By the way, if one of your party happens to get killed during a skirmish, don't go quitting the game. There are healing temples scattered throughout the land and they will magically restore life to your dead comrade. Cool huh?

**** GURK II ****

The sequel costs just 62p and before you ask, YES its worth it! Gurk II is both bigger and better, proudly showing off that sequel shine. It even has a cute medieval themed soundtrack this time around that accompanies your party on those ever perilous journeys into the wilderness.
Oh and you are not stuck with the same characters either. Tired of the funky wizard Gorlok? Then dump his ass for Gaelabeth. Bored of Sir Rugnar's tales arm wrestling dragons in ye olde tavern? Leave him in the pub and choose Lady Alwyn instead? There are 3 different knights/archers/wizards to choose from in all, each with their own suitably sounding 'Tolkienesque' name.
I have not hammered Gurk II yet but one major addition to the game is the use of ships to cross waters and venture further afield (whereas the original had you stranded in one place.) Overall it feels bigger and who knows what pixelate monstrosities will face our warriors this time around? I have already encountered a fireball spitting snake, and naturally those orc kings are back.


Skeleton with giant match