Junk Funk Food....Yeah.

Sometimes its all about the cheap treats (as opposed the cheap seats). Seriously, sometimes one just HAS TO forget about the Foie Gras and laverbread (Welsh caviar to Sir Dickie Burton)and dig in to some 'ordinary' grub. Don't tell me you don't hanker for it! MacDonalds, KFC, Burger King, the list of slop for the masses is never ending and if we are intent on going down THAT road, where salt and processed cheese are King (lazy hands be raised) then f**k it, lets get the best of the crap. Afterall if we are going to tie a napkin on shyte, we might at least enjoy it. Hot dogs. Crisps. Biscuits (im starting to feel sick). Value beefburgers. Battered sloth eyeballs. Mayonaise. Boiled sweets. Lets add to the poison and try and find the ultimate Snack 'O Terror. If we 're gonna clog those arteries, at least make it taste good eh?
And I have them baby! Cheesy turkey (turkey? Ya right) burgers! The Elizabeth Duke of fine dining. And ya wanna know sumfink? These buggers taste good for what they are. Seriously. Who knew you could brew salt and fox meat...sorry TURKEY *cough* and make a passable food? But they did! Ive just finished eaten TWO of these beauties and already feel my arteries clogging. Winning!

L'enfant Terrible

Appily....Marley's Ghost

I am slowly but oh so definitely getting bored with online apps and rubbish. All these passwords and connecting issues are grinding me down and like a fleet of foot vole, escaping the clutches of a hungry owl, I know feel what that owl feels. Now im not suddenly going to pack up my blogs and disappear offline, ive made too many friends to be able to do that, and besides, this is a convenient way of publishing my thoughts and ideas quickly. (And anyway. blogging isn't the issue here.) But the love IS draining out of me, I can feel it in my slowly-starting-to-drag fingertips. My eyeballs are strained by a glowing box, delivering vast slabs of information into my brain, and im thinking: is all this natural?
When I got to grips with my first Smartphone, and downloaded the slew of Applications (Apps), it was exciting like a whole new world opening up in front of me. I could find out ANYTHING I needed to know with a few simple dabs on the touchscreen, and it was extremely liberating but that sense of freedom quickly turned prison-like, a claustrophobic pit overloaded by too much news and information. Suddenly, from feeling like an omnipresent God able to summon whatever I needed at the touch of a button, I went to feeling like Satan himself, frozen in Dante's 9th Circle of Hell.
Now many readers will accuse me of exaggerating but its how I feel while sitting 'amongst' piles of smartphone applications. And half of them don't do not work which only serves to add to the anguish. The ratio has been tipped the other way, I know feel 20% happy and 80% frustrated by all these intrusive apps and technological gubbins; human being were not meant, I feel, to have all of this wizardy with so much ease. Nothing could be further from nature, and our souls are being corrupted (of this I have no doubt.)
And passwords! Oh the endless passwords! Nonsensical words made up from favourite sport team names and family birthdays. Every single thing needs a password, different to the last. Too short, too long, already taken, doesn't match up. The hellish passwords weighing us all down like the curse of Jacob Marley's ghost I am bored my dear friends and readers, it does not feel 'right' anymore.

Dodgy Kebabs

There can't be many British men (and women to a lesser degree) who, after 12 pints, a few shots of alcoholic sugar and bag of pork scratchings on a Saturday night, have not uttered the immortal words: "a fuggit, ahm fuggen starving, letsh go for a kebab!" Its a British weekend tradition; swaying on the counter of a local kebab shop with another dozen sweaty drunks, waiting for a Styrofoam tray of meat, lettuce, tomato, salmonella, onions and garlic sauce, before making your way home doing a fine impression of a pig in a trough. Pork? Lamb? Fox? Chicken? Who cares? Ahm Fuggen Starvo! So get it down ya neck mun.
We should care though because a worrying research has discovered that 1 in 20 kebabs carries a food poisoning risk from bugs such as salmonella, E.coli, staphylococcus aureus and Bacillus spp. Most kebab places were clean but 5% carried a health risk.