Styx: Master of Shadows

If you are looking for a Stealth 'em Up game in the style of Thief (and I enjoyed that game), then this isn't the game for you. You see, Styx Master of Shadows, is 100% pure stealth. In other words, if you get spotted lurking around, you can kiss your gobliny, green ass goodbye. Because you're not some muscle bound warrior who does a little sneaking on the side. Styx is a goblin, a quarter or enemies size and if you don't perform stealth kills and attempt a full on assault, you WILL be cut to pieces.
Battling gangs of bad guys simply isn't an option. Its sneaking all the way for Styx because anything else is suicide. Solid Snake or Agent 47 you are not. You play as a tiny goblin, and you'd do well to remember this. Of course, he isn't completely without tricks to lure the unsuspecting goon to his doom. For instance, Styx can unfasten heavy lighting (remember that classic scene in old British comedy Only Fools and Horses where they loosen the bolts to the wrong chandelier sending it crashing to the floor? Or the old poisoning food ruse? Both of these, along with more cunning tactics, are open to our goblin hero.
Proving you have enough Amber (the games 'skill juice'), you can even clone yourself and get to places inaccessible to Styx himself. Sure the clone has limited skills but he's a handy dude in a hostile city who look upon Styx as more demon than impish thief out to swipe the heart of the World Tree. Trouble is the tree is kept deep in the bowels of the impressive but maze like Tower of Akenash. (You can even hear some of the guards grumble about the complex nature of the Tower which can be comical).
That's another thing about Styx: Master of Shadows. The writing is quite brilliant at times, genuinely funny but it isn't above using swear words so perhaps remember this when playing with younger games. Indeed its the liberal amount of swearing that you need to watch out for when playing with children. In fact its wise to keep little hands away from Styx because foul language aside, you can use violence when reaching a difficult route (make sure you use stealth though because like previously said, going in daggers blazing will only result in hitting the restart button.
Developers Cyanide have had a good stab (pun intended)in making this prequel to the first game, Of Orcs and Men. Sure you'd probably find better looking games on PS3 but as we retroheads are fond of saying, gameplay wins over looks every time. You can create the most stunning looking game ever but if it plays like a dog then what is the point? That being said, its no walk in the park and you'll meet your demise many times. Certain areas can be balls hard and as Styx can be killed with one or two swipes from a sword, players would do well to never get spotted. Ever.
You have an orange tattoo that glows when unseen, and you'd do well to keep an eyes on it. Ignore at thy peril. I paid £15 for Styx: Master of Shadows on PlayStation 4 a few days ago, and as I enjoy a decent challenge which this game provides, ive not been disappointed. In a funny old way, it reminds me of Abe's Oddysee, a game that is a breath of air amongst the shooters and driving games clogging up the shelves.

And for that (in my opinion) the game deserves a 4/5

Sony PlayStation 20

20 years ago, two frikken' decades, Sony launched a home videogames console, the iconic PlayStation. We'd already had some pretty sweet games machines by then from the legendary ZX Spectrum to Nintendos SNES but I think we can say without argument that through clever marketing, it was the Sony PlayStation that made videogames cool. Hell, I even remember nightclubs having PlayStation booths which sounds kinda weird now looking back. But it proves if nothing else, that we gamers had seen nothing like it before. Videogames were now trendy *gasps*
Sure we had the likes of Street Fighter and Sonic the Hedgehog from consoles like Sega Megadrive and the aforementioned SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System), and these games systems paved the way for the even greater home arcades waiting in the wings (and let's be honest here, anyone having Wipeout 2097 on PlayStation in 1996 did feel like they had arcade quality games at home). Anyone young enough to have grown up with smartphones and tablets just won't get it. You had to have been there to witness a game like Tekken for the first time. Nowadays a tablet can handle these 90s classics without going into meltdown but in 1997? Games like Tomb Raider, Ridge Racer and Metal Gear Solid were pure gold.
I don't really consider myself a PlayStation fanboy, since ive owned (and still own and play) many other consoles including Sega Dreamcast (a personal favourite), GameCube and original Xbox (my 360 sadly flaked on me). But I must admit that its to Sony's boxes of tricks (I own all four), that I turn to first, so I guess there is a Sony fanboy lurking within me somewhere (wishing for a complete Resident Evil 2 reboot to arrive against all odds. Hey, a guy can dream right)?

So anyway, think ive bubbled on for long enough now. Especially since I have a few new PlayStation 4 titles to be cracking on with, including the aceness that is Styx: Master of Shadows and fighting a guy in a pink suit in the mighty Far Cry 4.
So have a very happy birthday PlayStation, here's looking forward to a few more decades of Sony glory! Its been an awesome ride so far and i'm glad you aeem to be winning the console wars this time around!

XIII Reboot

Seeing as remakes of older games are the craze today amongst developers (and fair play to Naughty Dog, The Last of Us Remastered was ace), why not go for the smaller titles? Plenty of underrated games out there that would look fantastic on PS4. Take XIII for example, that cel shaded FPS that many missed on PlayStation 2, and I have a feeling a remake would look fantastic on PS4.
Its all very well going for mega successful games like GTAV, they'll be money spinners afterall but why not take a gamble on lesser known videogames? A lot of people will skip the GTAV reboot simply because the PS3 version is still fresh in our minds. I know I won't be rushing out to grab a copy (especially in a month where brand new games are being released). But XIII? Now that could really pull in the punters. Sure I don't want the PS4 to be a console that simply polishes older videogames but my guess is that XIII is perfect remake fodder.

And if it happens? You read it here first.

Thieving Magpie

Thiefl by Square Enix has certainly stolen its shadowy tricks into my heart. I never once imagined that a FPS stealth'em up would ever grab my attention. In fact I dismissed it as (stupidly) just anther game  as one of those average titles we usually get thrown at in preparation for the real big hitters.
Lucky then that a generous sized demo was released on the PS Store, and I wisely downloaded it to see if Thief had the skills to nick my heart (okay no more bad puns) and pleased  was I. Last time I got this excited over a game demo was Spiderman on the PS1. I couldn't wait to get my mitts on the full game, so naturally when it was released, I was like a child  possessed  , grabbing it in Game. And the result? F**king epic! (Apologies for the F bomb but its the only way I can sum up the game in case of doubters).
I'm not going to go over the story here, you can read that on a hundred other websites, this blog simply exists to either praise  a game, or kill it dead if its a pile of shyte. Can't comment on how it looks on PS3 but on PlayStation 4 it looks absolutely lush. I can imagine some giving it a kicking because Thief can be quite challenging at times but stick with it and great things await.
The main character, Garrett, reminds me of an 18th century Batman. Gadgets? Garrett has them in spades.

Mario, get Yer Guns

What are the odds I will go off subject in this post? Still, I will try.  After reading yet another article calling yet another videogame a "burglary sim", I had to put pen to blog.  Why? Because its lazy journalism, sloppy and winds me up. Hell, the same could be thrown at television but for some peculiar reason we don't do that.
I don't watch television but from the clips I've seen on the interwebz and things I hear on forums, nothings changed from when I did used to watch it. Scheming, plots, adultery, revenge, murder, and bloodshed. Its all there, played out by glamorous women and guys with chiselled physiques. Gotta look your best when you're knee deep in sin right?
And so it goes that videogames have followed that same path. Those age restrictions on the box aren't there to make the case look pretty, videogames have matured and its illegal for soft parents to give in ("for ten minutes peace") and buy wee Jimmy a shooter with a bloody big red 18 stamped on the box. Is that ten minutes peace really worth a hefty fine? Dont think it doesn't happen because it does (more often than you'd care to think).
So we have a burglary sim now do we? What about Grand Theft Auto? Armed robbery sim? Dishonored? A murder sim?
These are games fer Crissakes, but the way some journalists describe them make them sound like guides on how to raise hell for real. One of my current favourite videogames is Thief, a game where, yep you guessed it, you skulk around an 18th century London inspired city, pilfering gold watches and clubbing hapless city guards over the noggin. But I don't play the game to train as a cat burglar, anymore than a fan of 24 watches the show in hope of becoming a CIA agent (or whatever the heck Kiefer Sutherland is meant to be).
And what frustrates me more is that I read this on a gaming website not the Daily Mail  (where one expects such petty sniping). Honestly, videogames have become a massive business in these last few years and deal with mature subjects. Can't we be at least as responsible when writing about them?

Sleeping Dogs New Threads

Amongst the glut of videogame remakes that seems to grow every day ( and wont stop until the gaming goose is stripped clean), you can find some good ones,. Admittedly the price tag looks like Dick Turpin rides again, but if you happen to be a fan of the original, then taking a punt on the reboot makes the price sting a little less.
I was a huge fan of Sleeping Dogs on PS3 so when the 'Definitive Edition' was released a few days ago on PlayStation 4, I was on it like a fat kid on pizza.
£40 is too much, even when you get extras like the 2 DLC stories thrown in, with some very bizarre outfits for Wei to take on the lawbreakers of Hong Kong,band I can see many gamers not bothering because of it which will be a shame because Sleeping Dogs is great game. Wei is a cross between Dirty Harry and Bruce Lee so its sad to see that once again The PS4 needed a third action game after the ace The Last of Us Remastered which was pure brilliance and proof of what creative people with similar ideas can come out with if they're on the same page.
Not played Sleeping Dogs on PS3 yet? Then do yourself a favour and go get it especially I you're a fan of over the top 80s action movies. And don't forget, Wei has more than karate kicks to the throat to defeat thugs, when you gather enough experience points you can unlock special moves either for your cop list or Triad list, which oddly do more harm to enemies than firearms because following the PS3 version, the goons in Sleeping Dogs are like bullet sponges and are able to take a fair amount of rounds before getting dead.
Unfortunately the game seems destined to stay below the top shelf either though lack of promotion (PS3), or having a hefty price have for the PS4 and its such a shame for a game packed with some very cool stuff.  Another downer is that looks wise it doesn't look that much different to the PlayStation 3 version. Outfits and vehicles look better but the city itself looks and 'feels' the same as the original.
All in all Sleeping Dogs Definitive Version is a tidy game  all wrapped up in a decent enough story, but depressingly that forty squids price tag is going to scupper its chances of winning any new fans. A £20 offering would have done them a lot more favours. Like its doing for the Oddworld remake, New n' Tasty.  Throwing in a few extra 'cop jobs' isn't going to be enough to entice the fence sitters.
Speaking personally, I think this game is going to rock better than the forthcoming GTAV on PS4.

Fishing for Hollywood

Stranger things happen of course, afterall we inhabit a planet filled with miracles and disaster, so it wouldn't surprise me to learn that some sharp suited movie Joe with a fondness for the marching powder buzzed by this old blog of mine from time to time. Hell if nothing else, the hunger of their egos would make this a nailed on certainty. More nailed than a whale God with rare jewels for eyeballs, and bones crafted the calcified souls of super architects but let us get back to earth. Im straying too far from this post.
Can I just say, nay plead with the remains of a quickly greying youth to not be tricked into believing that a reboot/remake of American Ninja, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, They Live and Commando would be good idea. They won't, and you can take that to your overstuffed Century City banks (which if not careful will be remembered for the dosh they made rather than its art). Which would be a shame because while financial reward is itself very nice nothing will dim the glow of producing great work, be it movies, books or music.
Remakes might sound like goof idea, we all remember the glory glory years of the 1980s where it seemed most films were touched by gold but while we know a remake of something like Jaws would be awesome if we were able to capture that creative spark of 1975, we know (with a good del of sadness) that we never will. The most world's most famous shark is born, and attempting a reboot of such an iconic movie would be like mining for gold in a sugar field. Impossible.
Come on, we've seen enough remakes by now to realise that making them is disaster waiting to happen. Move on Hollywood, studios will be making remakes of remakes next (something that would surprise me not in the slightest). Mark my words: movie remakes only serve to dilute the magic of the original.

Here are some personal favourites of mine that ought be left well alone:

American Ninja
They Live
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Cobra
Point Break
Commando

Mess with these 80s cult classics at thy peril! In fact, better yet, don't mess with them at all. Ever. Lest the ghost of the late Steve James (American Ninja's Cpl. Curtis Jackson) come back and karate some directors skulls.

Serenity

8 Valium 40mg, ahh chilling! I'm off the booze so its all good .

Blue Estate

If you've ever played an on-rails shooter like Time Crisis and House of the Dead, you will know exactly what to expect from Blue Estate. Just don't expect any of the class and genius of the former two. I picked it up on the back of enjoying the demo but quite frankly the £9.99 price tag, is too steep. Sure a tenner won't get you much in the way of entertainment these days but I'm betting  if developer HeSaw slapped a £4.99 tag on the game, it would have had it shooting off the (virtual) shelves.
You play the son of Los Angeles crime boss, Tony Luciano  who is a thug with penchant for gold 9mm pistols and pole dancers. But its never taken seriously and gags aplenty spill from Tony's mouth (especially when his hair gets into his eyes during a gunfight). I kinda like this because far too many games these days take themselves much too seriously.
One of the first things which drew me in was the design. Its very stylish and the art is a joy to behold (you feel bad for shooting the sh!t out of it). And the lunatic characters in Blue Estate mad world only add to the  'lushness' of it all. Be warned, enemies can be frustrating as hell,  owing to ridiculously lengthy health bars. Okay players get a good a dose of continues (8 in some cases) but doesn't stop it becoming repetitive which can plague on-rails shooters. To sum up then, £10 is a tad on the high side for such a short game but the fact it often takes the pizz out of itself I don't feel so peeved.
Its not as dire as other gaming sites would have you believe mind, and its important to remember this. If you are looking for a quick ten minute blast of video gaming fun (for fun see guns and violence)  then Blue Estate will deliver in spades (or should that be Uzi's?)  Its not the type you'd pull an all nighter on but get a get few mates around with some beers and you could get some thrills out of it.

GunPlay: Boys @ Work

Not so long ago, in the drunk and not so distant (but very distorted) past, I used to hate FPS (first person shooter) videogames. Well maybe 'hate' is a tad strong word but certainly I was no big fan of the genre. Oddly enough (seeing as the player is playing as if they were 'in the boots' of the hero/villain), that perspective didn't work for me. I always felt out of the action if you get my drift? For me it was third person action games like Metal Gear Solid and Resident Evil that roped me in.
I felt much more attached to a character who I could see/control in front of me than something like Call of Duty or Killzone where all you ever saw was the barrel of a gun and if you were lucky, a pair of dodgy looking feet. Far from looking realistic, it was like a ghostly gun floating around, mopping up the bad guys. I played them of course, who didn't love those early Medal of Honour games on PS1? But as good as they were, my heart was always looking for the next Tomb Raider and more badass third action shenanegans.
Then something *cue sinister music* changed, ooh around halfway through the Playstation 3 life cycle. I started picking up more and more FPS games and so began a new found appreciation of the genre. And it wasn't the big hitters that turned me on either. Nope, the first person shooters which had me waving the boomstick were titles that didn't set the charts on fire; Resistance, Dead Island, Duke Nukem Forever and Bioshock. (Okay Bioshock was a pretty huge deal but the others weren't exactly dripping with awesome).

Anyway enough waffle, there have been some ace shooters released these last few years. And here are my gaming gold FPS. If you are a fan of videogames and guns, all titles below should be on your shelf.

1. Dishonored

Corvo Attano is a legendary assassin who sports a very cool metal skull type mask. He looks seriously badass, especially when combined with powers such as bending time and the ability to summon a freaking plague or rats to devour his hapless victims to the bone. The guy is a killing machine, pure and simple. Now some games have great ideas but fall short on being average to play. Dishonored is not average. Its a 10/10 Must Play before you die.

2. Bioshock Infinite

Now the underwater city of Rapture with its 1950s theme made the first Bioshock stand way above other shooters of its time, and im pleased to report that Columbia (this time a city in the clouds) is just as good. Probably more so due to being able to use sky hooks to deal deth from above. Its a genuinely great story too with not one but two fantastic baddies to battle; a motorised patriot George Washington, and the sinister Songbird.

3. Thief

Looks bloody fantastic on Playstation 4, and a looters dream with an abundance of trinkets to find/steal. Its quite a thrill lurking in the shadows of houses of olde worlde London (or the City as its called here). Thief is only let down by having one of the most boring stories ive seen in a while in a videogame, and you don't much care for the characters either (or was that just me?)

4. Outlast

I dare you to play this game late at night with the lights out. Its creepy and disturbing, and when you are armed with only the light from a camcorder (no weapons here sorry) Outlast leaves you at the mercy of crazed asylum inmates who roam the dark corridors and basements, leaving you feel extremely exposed to murderous attacks. Its f**king terrifying and anyone who says otherwise is puling yer plonker.

5. Far Cry 3

I hated Far Cry 2. Absolutely loathed it in fact, so was happy when UbiSoft hit it out the park for the third outing. F**k me, you can even fight sharks and crocodiles and turn them into wallets! Oh and use hand gliders from the highest parts of the map. And the map? Its massive, filled to the brim with coo stuffs to discover.

Bloodborne

This. Looks. Ace

Yesterday at Sony's TGS conference in Japan, the awesome looking RPG adventure Bloodborne was given a (Japanese) release date of February 5th, 2015. Seems awfully close to another PS4 big hitter, The Order 1886 to me but hey! I ain't complaining games fans. Its about time the mighty Playstation 4 started kicking out some monsterpieces™ because as we've seen, the console has some serious power lurking under its shiny hood. (Here's where the PC geeks come in harrumphing and making baby noises but you know what? Screw 'em).
I was never a big Demon Souls fan so its going to be interesting (for me) to see if Bloodborne pulls me into its deranged world of beasties and freshly spilled human vino. The videos have certainly had my attention for weeks now and with the Western release (hopefully) being not too far from the Japanese date, it won't be long before gamers discover a terrifying modern classic, or the gaming equivalent of a split lip.

CounterSpy review

There is little point beating around the bush, or shadowy enemy installation here: CounterSpy is bloody brilliant. Its stylish, cool, doesn't take itself too seriously, and most importantly its a jolly fine blast to play. Such a blast that after stopping the Doomsday Clock from going off (this time on the moon), you will be wanting more. And more. And being as players can complete CounterSpy in the 2 hour mark,  this is my only gripe towards it. I want more dammit, so much more.
True to its stealthy ways, CounterSpy (by Dynamighty games), appeared out of nowhere, popping up on my PlayStation 4 dashboard unannounced  like a fel shaded ninja. And with those looks I was hardly going to ignore IG, especially when  I clocked the trailer. If the gameplay doesn't hook you, that wonderful theme music will,  a bombastic little number made for movieland rogue agents everywhere.
Your guy is a matchstick type hero with white eyes and an arsenal of guns and sneaky moves at his disposal. He might look a bit weedy but don't be fooled, this dude from C.O.U.N.T.E.R spy agency is as much a master of weaponry /shadows as any Solid Snake. Hell even Snake can't steal the enemies national defence lunch money. Its little quirks like this this that give CounterSpy much added coolness. Did I tell you that I love this game?
Infiltrate Imperialists or infiltrate Socialists but get those all important launch plans soldier before those rockets fly, and the moon gets a new make over.
And how much for this slice of stealth pie? A mere ten of your earthling pounds sir! Worth every penny too in this humble gamers opinion. Believe you me, CounterSpy will get every much as plays as big hitters like The Last of Us and you can take that to the bank. Or secret bunker.

As I am so fond of saying, this game is f**king ACE. 5/5

Uncle Salty Crabs

So the Hong Kong crime caper, Sleeping Dogs, is coming to Playstation4? Well you know what? Amidst all the negative nancies complaining about there being too many remakes emerging for current gen consoles, I for one am pretty excited about this one. It plays like movie classic Hard Boiled with you as a karate  kicking cop yer Crissakes! What's not to love? GTA Japan anyone?
Actually (and this is only my opinion of course), but Sleeping Dogs is better than that. "Better than Grand Theft Auto?" You ask. "What could be a better sandbox game than GTA?" Well the setting for one. My personal love for Japan aside, Hong Kong is the perfect backdrop having plenty of 'flavour' from the East to make it exotic while still having a fair dose of Western culture to keep it familiar. Sure you'll hear Japanese music on the radio (beautiful it is too), but flick a few channels and you can hear everything from Mozart to Black Stone Cherry.
There's nothing ground breaking about Sleeping Dogs but what it does, it does well and is a welcome break from creating mayhem in California. Comparisons with GTA are inevitable and while vehicles are lacking, (petrol heads will be disappointed),  it makes up for in other, some would say cooler ways. Side missions and things to do when not killing folk for example. In Grand Theft Auto the player can relax with a round of golf or do yoga (yes YOGA). Reports of a knitting circle are unconfirmed.
Sleeping Dogs has much more suitable past times for a career criminal however. Maj jong poker on a private ship. Kung fu brawls that would make Bruce Lee happy. Oh and cock fighting. Controversial perhaps but no real roosters were harmed during the making of this game. It all fits so well.
I've played some great videogames recently, including the mighty BioShock Infinite (easily in my gaming top 10), but Sleeping Dogs is the one that revved my thrill clock to the limit. I had a f**king blast on it, so much so that I will be visiting Hong Kong again pretty sharpish. And the fact it reminds me of classic Shenmue is bonus.
I'm not saying the game is a stellar 10\10 gold, and it does have some (minor) niggles but nothing that ever comes close to spoiling a wonderful experience. Every gamer should play Sleeping Dogs, and I'm in raptures over the fact it is being rebooted for PS4.
The only thing I can imagine some being upset about is the map. Its fairly small when compared to say Red Dead Redemption but then again, that can be a blessing too. After all who wants a huge map filled with nothing to do?  This is just me of course but after completing the missions in GTAV, I wasn't in a hurry to get back to Los Santos. Like I said, yoga isn't exactly laugh a minute (no offence to yoga loving hipsters reading).  But the whole Hong Kong city vibes hooked me in proper and I loved just wandering the markets listening to food vendors (the pork bun man is legendary) sell their wares, and seeing dodgy DVD sellers tell you they have the latest movies.
A big mention is the hand to hand combat which makes fighting in other open world games feel boring. It does a good job of making you feel like a martial arts master and even getting surrounded by 10 thugs you never feel too worried (in fact the more the merrier).
To cap it all off, Sleeping Dogs is like being in 80s movies American Ninja and Remo Unarmed and Dangerous. And for a guy growing up back in those neon tinged glory days when Commodore and Spectrum ruled the games world, this is indeed good news. (There's also a cool retro DLC pack).
So a reboot for PlayStation 4 is very welcome news for this gamer. I have a feeling these current gen consoles are just what the game needs because machines have the 'oomph' to bring Hong Kong truly alive. Whisper it, but I reckon it could do better than the GTAV reboot. You read it here first.

Dagger Rips Skin for Dog Tribes

MoThe suicide (or that is what is being reported) of the comedian/actor Robin Williams last night came as shocking news but news that sadly won't come as any surprise to those of us  who face this battle every day. Robin had 20 years, <strong>two decades</strong> of clean living under his belt, enough time for the weekend boozers  (who strangely aspire to being awesome drinkers) to among us to depressingly believe  that "hey! We beaten it! The dog finally nails the dastardly (bastardly) beast by cutting off its way-too-cunning head!" Viva la sobrieta! Cured, the man is cured!
But as addicts who face the struggle at every step, we know that with the heaviest of souls, and a finality seldom seen outside morgue doors, that our war is never won. Ever. And respite is always fleeting. Sure, we get "victory days", happy times when the dragon is quiet and busy elsewhere but relief is temporary. As monarchs of revelry,  murderers of moderation, we don't get off that easy. Why should we? Our disdain toward moderation is well known as is our mocking of it, so nature is bound to want to treat us to some lashings of its own.
I put down the sauce on 19th February, 2014. 173 hours ago. 4174 hours. I feel extremely blessed, indeed this current dry run is one of the longest of my drinking career (or non drinking rather *knock on wood*).  Proud is an understatement and my cup of gratitude, much to my delight, is overflowing with the milk of Hope.
But I must be ever vigilant, always on my guard, because it would only take a gentle wind to blow my little HMS Sobriety into rough waters,  and land me back in the eye of a very potent storm. Oh, vile addiction!  And this is the brutal truth of it, so apologies for using yet another soul to illustrate just how grim the battle is. I sincerely hope this post doesn't come across as, "oh poor us! Take pity on our weak, addicted asses!"
I'm merely setting the table and inviting the reader to the dinner of razor children, a feast forged initially by greed and excess,  then after the flames of debauchery have tanned even the darkest spirit, lights dim and we pray for serenity to touch our honest chapters once more.
I wish this sh!t was easy but as the deaths prove (and folk with addiction issues die every day), it never is. Good luck to family and friends who believe their recently sober loved ones are now free from their foul chains but keep them close and guard those precious hearts. That last drink doesn't slay the demon.

Mighty Abe....King All Odd

Abe's Oddysee HD, New N' Tasty interview with Stewart Gilray and creator Lorne Lanning.


New n' Tasty dropped on Playstation4 a matter of weeks ago now, so this blog post, while slow on the news front (think of us as the BMX powered Paperboy who appeared in videogame arcades of the 80s. YEPPERS! We might be guilty of using the slowest Elum to bring you this article but don't chuck us down the Glukkon meat grinder just yet.
We present a giant Scrab cake filled with praise, toward the lovable, wimpy Frankenstein who has returned from death in 1997 on PS1, to be reborn (a word we're fast becoming used to with current gen consoles).

The Oddworld games that started it all(minus my lovely legs)


Remakes, remasters, reboots. I don't particularly mind what we're gonna call them, and im not intending to loose my beauty sleep over it either. And readers here would be wise to follow me too because regardless of how many gaskets get blown, or how many game subscripions are threatened during the faux outrage toward videogame rehashes. I think its a cool thing and once the pitchforks simmer a tad, other fans will chill too.

Expendables 3

Boom! This the most appropriate word I can use to sum up the new Expendables 3 movie. Like the previous two, this is a rip roaring romp which is all gun and chiselled heroes. What else can you expect when one of Hollywood's icons, Sylvester Stallone decides to make movies that capture all of the testosterone fuelled magic of 1980s action films? Its like an adrenaline shot to the bollocks.

When Dog Chews the Tale

As a gamer now for over three decades...hold on, let me say that again, gamer for over three decades gulp! *reaches for the Botox* It is fair to say that I have played more than my fair share of videogames. Ever since rescuing Xenon princess Roz in Zorgon's Revenge on the Oric 1 inbetween my half hearted attempts at homework, I was addicted (and despite what Daily Mail scribes would have you believe, videogames have never done me any harm).
During that time, I must have spent a gazillion hours shooting zombies, raiding toms and solving bizarre puzzles (cheers Silent Hill). And so its natural that from spending so much time with your pixelated hero/villain, a bond is forged. A bond which makes turning a successful game into an equally successful movie very difficult, and rarely is a director enough of an alchemist to pull it off. Indeed from all the game to film releases, it is only the Resident Evil movies that have held my interest (and even this is because I find them entertaining in their own right and not because they are equal to the cool of the videogames).
So when I heard about The Last of Us movie that is evidently in the works, my little 'ol heart, that heart which has shared many a nervous jump with Joel and Ellie, was not exactly thrilled. And who can blame me? I still shudder when anyone mentions Street Fighter and Kylie Minogue in the same sentence. And less said of Uwe Boll the better.
All the best men know. Even the genius that is Hideo Kojima, who is a major movie fan, will admit deep down to being a tad wary of turning his beloved Metal Gear Solid into a motion picture because he knows like the rest of us know, 9/10 films of games are garbage. Just drop the aforementioned Mr Boll's name into a conversation with Kojima san, you'll get the picture (or not if you happen to be Uwe Boll). Why do you think a MGS movie has not been made yet? Despite being offered multi million deals? Hideo understands man.
Like I said, we gamers forge a special bond with characters over many hours of play, and seeing those "magic moments" reduced to a 2 hour romp ruins it. Take games like Skyrim and Fallout 3 for example. How many hours do we spend in the company of our newly created badass? It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say 200+ hours. You go through many different challenges together, notching up a heroes portion of triumph (and deaths), and all personal to you the gamer. Were someone to come along and turn Skyrim into a fantasy film it would fail, and fail hard because none of your private victories would feature. All those little things you see/hear/feel as you clutch your controller and add up to make a unique overall experience is gone, replaced with a directors vision which so often feels like huge disappointment. No more hero than a bit part player relegated to the side lines, and to be blunt, it f**king SUCKS! Its almost like the movie is invading "our" space. (Similar to books but games go even deeper as they put YOU in the action).
So forgive my failure to get all hard and excited (ooer!) over another game-to-film cash grab, but history shows we videgame fans are always better off sticking with the game. We have too much time invested to see it be reduced a film extra.

Godzilla

Really looking forward to this new Godzilla movie, KING OF MONSTERS! Just take a gander at the evidence below.

Versus King Ghidora




But let us not forget this little chap from the cartoon.

Brat's Top 2013 Movies

Number 1: Yeah!

We had a lot of decent movies in dear old (or 'rotten old' depending on your year) 2013 and guess what? Yup that's right boyo, Brat News saw them all. We don't take entertainment lightly here you know. And things like this demand a list! So here is (in my humble opinion of course) the best of the Hollywood bunch, including those where I expected aceness but instead were lamest.


1. Dallas Buyers Club (A modern masterpiece)

2. Prisoners (Ace film, Ace)

3. Captain Phillips (Brilliant, tense cinema)

4. Killing Season/Machete Kills (Being cheeky with joint positions but hey, my list)

5. Rush (F1 Ace)



Close but no cigar ~

The Butler (Ooh suits you sir!)

Life of Pi (Surprise hit for this Brat)

2 Guns (Bang bang hot to trot)

Pain & Gain (What can I say? I love Wahlberg)

Would You Rather (Oh yes! Some fine horrortastic dares)


And here belongs the "I Iz Disappoint" movies ~

The Wolverine (Aww Hugh, you were doing so well with Prisoners)

The Sweeney (Utter shyte, Thaw spinning in grave)

Iron Man 3 (Needing WD40 methinks)

World War Z (Arm Pitt ruins an epic comic yarn)